I had a funny thing happen to me a while back. I had someone email me and tell me she'd read through my blog and she was just in awe of me. How did I have time to do those things with my kids? How could I be such a great homeschool teacher? How could I have the energy to write recipes? Could she take her own kid's school pictures? ...How...? ...When...? I envy you.
I laughed it off and felt pretty good about myself.
Then I got another message of the same sort.
Then someone mentioned something to me when they saw me at the store.
Then someone said something to Bird.
Well isn't that peachy?! Thank you....thank you very much.
But then it got cold and Christmas was over and all of a sudden, I found myself stuck inside with three kids, husband at work, and my yearly season of bummed-outtedness kicked in. I went back and read those emails because they made me feel so kind and loving and pretty and wise. But then a funny thing happened. I did a double take as I read through those emails and realized that those people had no idea how annoyed and frustrated and TIRED I really was, often when I wrote those things. Well, jeepers. That stinks.
I actually realized this a while back, and it made me stop publicly posting for the most part.
So if you've ever read my blog and thought, "Well, this girl has it all figured out...." I invite you to read this. It is an account of the last week I've had.
I got sick (which really doesn't happen super often), and I am possibly the worst sick person ever. I had just deep cleaned nearly every room in my house, and I was so excited about the ease of keeping it clean. I was working on some new recipes that I was really excited about, and I was really on top of school. Then BAM! ear and throat infection knocked me out. All of a sudden, the kids were eating cereal for multiple meals per day, we were behind in school, and the house was...well...it was inhabited by three tiny crumb factories. I was in constant pain, and not feeling up to doing anything, which just made me mad. My mom kept our kids, and I cried and Bird took me to the emergency room where I got antibiotics and was told to take Sudafed- which makes me a wee bit loopy. I went home, took my meds, and I don't remember much of the rest of that day. The next day, Bird took the day off to stay home and nurse me and keep the kids so I could rest. Which, of course, I didn't do- which of course, made me feel worse...which made me more mad. The next day, I decided I was going to brave grocery shopping (dumb idea.), but my dad kept the older kids so I only had my sweet Eva. On the way home, I was drained, so I called and asked if they could stay longer so I could nap- which I didn't do. The kitchen needed cleaning, after all. So I cried and cried because I didn't feel better and I was just so tired. Finally yesterday, Bird insisted I just lay on the couch and rest during the day. There was to be no house work. Guess who cried when he got home because not only was everything a disaster, but I still wasn't feeling any better? Oh that's right. Me. So what did he do? He pushed me out of the kitchen, demanded I rest, and pretty much took care of everything else all night. All week I whined. All week I cried. Even today, when I felt back to my normal self, I still got a little frustrated when Isaiah spent ten minutes counting the lines on his paper and trying to figure out how long it would take him to finish his math sheet instead of just, you know, finishing his math sheet. I cried when I realized I was going to be the one cleaning Eva's poop out of the bathtub, and I'd hate to see the face I made when Izzy got so upset that the clothes I'd chosen for her weren't her favorites.
So my point is this: Thank you so much for the kind words. You all are so sweet...but you're so wrong. I, in no way, have it all together. (I just have an unbelievable husband and family unit helping me out...I could not be more thankful for them, especially after this week!) And if you're reading my blog for any reason other than to get to know me and maybe get a kick out of how weird and silly my kids can be, I'd ask you to step away. Read some scripture. Maybe start with Proverbs 31 (that lady is crazy awesome)- because scripture will always be way more encouraging to you than my words.
And trust me- if I can pull off this whole "mom" thing, so can you.