Today my sweet boy woke up, had breakfast, did his day or school work, and changed my outlook on something. I struggle with pride a lot. I'm, let's say, a bit of a perfectionist when I'm not too lazy. My husband will attest the the fact that I drive myself crazy over things I have no control over because I like things to be a certain way. I had a mini heart attack (metaphorically) when we skipped a night of meals I had planned because he had a softball game. What is a girl to do with extra chicken and a bag of salad?!
Often times, I tend to take this need for perfection inward when I feel my life isn't as perfect as someone else's, and it can turn to bitterness very quickly.
My 5 year old is very sensitive and sweet. After he finished his school work, as he often does, he wanted to keep working (his daddy's work ethic on display!), so he asked me what my favorite shape was. I told him I liked hearts, so he, very secretively, created a "card" for me covered in hearts. He had written "i (heart) u mom" in big pink letters. I thanked him profusely, and he kissed my cheek, cuddled up with me and said, "Mom, why are you so nice to me?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, it's just that, you don't have to be nice to me, but you are."
"How am I so nice? I tell you to clean your room and go to bed."
"You made me breakfast, and you didn't have to. Isn't that what being nice is? That's what dad said. Doing things you don't have to for someone."
Tears welled up in my eyes for a moment, and I kissed his sweet face and told him I did those things because I loved him. And off he went to his room to race his cars.
I sat and thought about that for a while. I don't have a fan club. I don't have hundreds of people who follow my blog. I don't have a bank account full of money. I don't have the perfect body or hair or clothes or home. Things get messy and dishes don't always get washed, and sometimes, I lose my mind for a moment over it. But there are some things I do have. Some things that, no matter how perfect I'm not, won't disappear, and I can't believe how un-thankful I've been. So here's what I've got:
Not pictured, of course, is our soon-to-be 3rd baby bird. I'm so excited to kiss her little face, and I'm so grateful I get to mother a third baby!
Most of all, though, today I'm so thankful to my God- the one who, even through my sordid imperfections, sees the creation He made and loves me because I'm His.